Wednesday, September 01, 2004

The Marquis Grissom de Sade

In France in the 1700's, there was a man you may have heard of known as the Marquis de Sade. He was a deranged, sexual deviant who once famously declared "Either kill me or take me as I am, because I'll be damned if I ever change..." He was arrested numerous times in his life for various horrid acts of sacrilige and perversity (and some outstanding debt) and was thought of in his day as a truly dangerous and disturbed man.

Nowadays, people look back at Mr. Sade and, well, I don't exactly what most people think, butthey certianly don't have the honest view of who he was. Some find him an amusing and interesting figure from history, some see him as the father of the Goth movement (no idea why, but I swear I knew a guy who said that- something about Sadism... I'm sure The Cure were involved)

Point is, looking back on his behavior, he doesn't come out quite so bad. Oh sure, he masterbated with crusfixes, but did he ever bear a woman's breast during half-time? I think not.

The Giants have their own Marquis de Sade who will also look better in retrospec than he ought. Mr. Grissom just hit his 18th Home Run in a 9-5 drubbing of the Woeful Rockies. When the season is over, is it too much to assume he'll end with around a .270 average, 20+ HR, and 80+ RBI (he has 71 right now)? Does a 20-80 guy sound pretty useful to you? Yeah, me too.

Thing is, he's been nothing but a disaster for us. After a darned good April, he's been a drain on the offense. The guy has 30 walks (an improvement for him) to pick up an OBP of .317. .317. That hurts. Oh sure, It's not Neifi-level, or Feliz-level, but it hurts. And what hurts more?

How about 20 GIDP so far this year.


And you're probably thinking "Only 20? Really? I was sure he'd be in triple digits by now."

And that's the key. Grissom has become Mr. Rally Killer. Even more than A.J. PeirceBrosnanKinseyWhatever. At least in terms of "Yes! Giants have 2 on and 1 out! Who's up? Grissom? Oh well, we'll score next inning." (A.J. has actually hit into 22 Double plays, but for some reason, you just feel that Grissom has done worse.)

How many times has Grissom made the last out, often a double play, with Bonds on deck? How many innings have been derailed by the one-time speedster thwacking a groundball to short? It's like there's a groove from the Batter's Box to the SS and he manages to slide the ball right in there every time.

Or, of course, he just strikes out. Can't forget that.

Yet at the end of the season, you watch. 20+ HR. 80+ RBI. What a great guy. Let's resign him to a Marvin Bernard-style contract.

Repeat after me.:


If there's anyone out there who knows voodoo, or magic, or majik, or Tarot, or heck, anyone with a powerfully prophetic Lite-Brite, chant for a new CF in 2005.

"Either kill me or take me as I am, because I'll be damned if I ever change..."

Works just as well for our Marquis, doesn't it?

Oh, and in other Giants news, Brett Tomko, pitching well for the 2nd straight time, injured himself AFTER a strikeout.

Of course he did. Can't have a half-way decent starting pitcher not named Schmidt, now can we?


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