What's so Funny About Peace, Love, and Anabolic Steroids
Everybody and their mother have been knocking down my door demanding to get my take on all this Steroids hub-bub. It's as if the world can't move on to important matters until I've sounded off and impacted the prevailing wisdom.
I'm that important.
OK. What we all know. Giambi said in private, confidential testimony, that he stabbed his butt a bunch of times and injected Horse Urine into his body, or something like that. I think it was made from Elmo's umbilical cord or something. Oh, and he says it didn't help him.
Bonds said, also in private, confidential testimony, that he rubbed K-Y jelly on his body but thought it was extract of mother's love and apple pie.
We don't know what Randy Velarde said, but we mock him for even being involved.
My first response goes out to whoever leaked this private, confidential testimony. I hope you're found out and sent to prison, where you can only WISH the only thing being jammed into your backside is a needle. These e players were promised anonymity, and that has been ruined. And this isn't a case of me whining about Bonds' and Giambi's privates. I'm thinking of the larger picture.
You think BALCO is the ONLY company providing athletes with naughty substances made out of Satan's Left Boob? Open your eyes. Remember when Caminitti said 50% of baseball was using something? He may not have been that far off. Right now, there are a lot of players thinking "Thank God I don't play in San Francisco or Oakland. The New York (or Milwaukee, or Toronto, or Atlanta) office of Steroids Inc. is still secret."
And let's be honest, the criminals in this case are the SUPPLIERS. The people we want behind bars are the ones MAKING this stuff and peddling it off to Desperate Athletes (Wednesdays at 9 on ABC) around the globe.
So OK, we've toppled the big bad BALCO. And when we move in on CALCO (Chicago Area Lab and Concoctions Organization), you think we'll get a SINGLE witness to testify? Not anymore. Why testify if your "secret" testimony comes out and ruins your LIFE? You think Giambi is ever going to have a pleasant experience playing Baseball ever again in his LIFE? Bonds? (Well, maybe Bonds, but he's really weird)
So that's my first thought. Whoever leaked this has seriously harmed MLB's (and NBA's and NFL's and everyone else's) chances of cleaning up professional sports.
Thanks a lot. Dork.
As for the players. Why bother? How upset was everyone in '98 when Big Mac was caught using a perfectly legal steroid? Fact is, if Bonds used the cream or the clear or the Credence Clearwater Revival, it wasn't against the rules in 2001. Or 2002. He's tested positive since then. Maybe he still uses and we can't detect. Maybe not. Maybe Cody Ransom used them and it made his hands too big to accurately field that damn ground ball in the 9th in game 161. Who knows? Athletes shouldn't use performance enhancers? What's surgery? Tommy John Surgery is a sick, sick thing. Totally unnatural. Anyone notice how lots of folk who have TJS become better pitchers? Anybody crying home to mother about it?
It's one thing to say drugs are bad, M'Kay? But what's a drug? Where does the line get drawn? Some shout out "It's illegal!" Well sure, steroids are illegal... unless you can get a doctor to prescribe them. So let's say a doctor prescribes them to Yorvit and he starts hitting 50 HRs a year. They were prescribed, so they're not illegal. Now what?
"They're against MLB policy." OK. But even as they are now going to bring da hammer to steroids under threat of public admonishment, how far can they go? If they ban specific substances, what about the next brand new thing that's created and isn't on the list? Ban all steroids? OK. But "the squeaky clean" wasn't a steroid, it was a Human Growth Hormone. Ban all foreign substances that can alter the playing field? What about cortisone shots? What about aspirin?
Where do you draw the line?
I don't really have an answer, maybe someone out there does. Am I happy with the knowledge that Bonds probably hit 73 homers with a little help? Not really. Does that mean if a steroid-induced Bonds had been a part of a 2002 team that didn't blow game 6 I'd have been repulsed? Heck no, I want my Championship. I've been waiting my whole life for a SF Giants championship, and if we'd gotten 5 more outs in 2002, I'd have it, and I wouldn't retroactively care if I found out all 25 players were juiced to the gills.
Here's what I think will happen. Steroids abuse will decline. A few more players will look surprisingly Giambi-esque in the next few months. Balls will not be hit as far on such a regular basis. Fastballs will not top 100 MPH so frequently (forgot that the pitchers are using too, didn't you?). Life will go on.
Until the next drug scandal breaks.
From booze to greenies to coke to 'roids. Players will always search for the next thing to give them an advantage. It's the nature of the beast.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Why? God, Why?
So the Giants offered arbitration to Jason Christiansen and declined arbitration for Hermanson, Nen, Burba, and Ledee.
On the surface, this isn't horrible. Nen can still sign that minor league deal he's so fond of and pitch for us in May. Hermanson is going to get "closer money" from someone, which is more than he's worth. Burba was a throwaway deal and no loss. And since Christiansen has apparently agreed not to actually take us to arbitration, then we either sign him at a deal we like, or he goes away and we get a draft pick.
Speaking of which..
WHY DIDN'T WE OFFER ARBITRATION TO LEDEE???
Not that we want him. We don't. But he's ALREADY SIGNED WITH THE DODGERS!!! Doesn't that mean that if we go through the motions of offering him arbitration, then we retroactively get a Dodger draft pick? I may be off-base here, we may already have gotten that draft pick since LA signed him. If so, please tell me. Otherwise, what the Hell is wrong with us? We're already giving away 2 draft picks for Omar and Armando. Can't we at least get one back? Or are we banking on our first pick in the draft bring in the 18th round?
If there is someone smarter than me out there, help this ignorant fool understand.
Until then, I'm gonna go hang my head in shame.
So the Giants offered arbitration to Jason Christiansen and declined arbitration for Hermanson, Nen, Burba, and Ledee.
On the surface, this isn't horrible. Nen can still sign that minor league deal he's so fond of and pitch for us in May. Hermanson is going to get "closer money" from someone, which is more than he's worth. Burba was a throwaway deal and no loss. And since Christiansen has apparently agreed not to actually take us to arbitration, then we either sign him at a deal we like, or he goes away and we get a draft pick.
Speaking of which..
WHY DIDN'T WE OFFER ARBITRATION TO LEDEE???
Not that we want him. We don't. But he's ALREADY SIGNED WITH THE DODGERS!!! Doesn't that mean that if we go through the motions of offering him arbitration, then we retroactively get a Dodger draft pick? I may be off-base here, we may already have gotten that draft pick since LA signed him. If so, please tell me. Otherwise, what the Hell is wrong with us? We're already giving away 2 draft picks for Omar and Armando. Can't we at least get one back? Or are we banking on our first pick in the draft bring in the 18th round?
If there is someone smarter than me out there, help this ignorant fool understand.
Until then, I'm gonna go hang my head in shame.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Are we actually spending money?
Word on the Street is that we're signing Armando Benitez. You may have heard of him. He got 47 saves last year with a 1.29 ERA. He's pretty good.
No details, but we've supposedly shelled out $21 mil for 3 years. That's a heck of a lot of money, and could well become another albatross. But if it gets us a ring this year, do we care?
Rumblings and grumblings from The Lunatic Fringe aside, I take this as a sign that Magowen and Sabean are going for it in 2005. You just know they're gonna get themselves a big, fat Outfielder, and you know there is NO WAY D.P. Pierzynski is a Giant in 2005. They have to save money somewhere, and he's their best candidate to begin the blood-letting. I also ponder the fate of Feliz, who may be traded (along with his expected $3 mil+ salary) for some bullpen help/payroll savings. Unless they manage to unload Alfonzo, but that may be asking too much.
Speaking of which, the Kendall trade has got me thinking. Oakland picked up one bloated contract to get a bonafide good player and fill a desperate need, while unloading two bloated contracts they didn't need, dealing from strength. Sound good to me. Let's deal bloated contracts from our strength and pick up one bloated contract we do need.
What's our strength? Well, we have a lot of starting pitchers, and we have an extra corner infielder...
How about packaging Rueter and Alfonzo for an overpaid-but-viable outfielder? I'm sure there's one out there. Maybe his name is Ken Griffey Jr.? Think the Reds would like a solid lefty in their rotation? And Alfonzo to nail down 3rd and turn the Brandon Larson experiment into a trading chip? I dunno, maybe I'm off-base, but this begins to make sense to me.
Someone give Sabean a call, we may be on to something.
Word on the Street is that we're signing Armando Benitez. You may have heard of him. He got 47 saves last year with a 1.29 ERA. He's pretty good.
No details, but we've supposedly shelled out $21 mil for 3 years. That's a heck of a lot of money, and could well become another albatross. But if it gets us a ring this year, do we care?
Rumblings and grumblings from The Lunatic Fringe aside, I take this as a sign that Magowen and Sabean are going for it in 2005. You just know they're gonna get themselves a big, fat Outfielder, and you know there is NO WAY D.P. Pierzynski is a Giant in 2005. They have to save money somewhere, and he's their best candidate to begin the blood-letting. I also ponder the fate of Feliz, who may be traded (along with his expected $3 mil+ salary) for some bullpen help/payroll savings. Unless they manage to unload Alfonzo, but that may be asking too much.
Speaking of which, the Kendall trade has got me thinking. Oakland picked up one bloated contract to get a bonafide good player and fill a desperate need, while unloading two bloated contracts they didn't need, dealing from strength. Sound good to me. Let's deal bloated contracts from our strength and pick up one bloated contract we do need.
What's our strength? Well, we have a lot of starting pitchers, and we have an extra corner infielder...
How about packaging Rueter and Alfonzo for an overpaid-but-viable outfielder? I'm sure there's one out there. Maybe his name is Ken Griffey Jr.? Think the Reds would like a solid lefty in their rotation? And Alfonzo to nail down 3rd and turn the Brandon Larson experiment into a trading chip? I dunno, maybe I'm off-base, but this begins to make sense to me.
Someone give Sabean a call, we may be on to something.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Starved for News...
So I'm Leap-frogging around the Giants BlogSphere annoyed that nobody's updated today. Then, of course, I realize that I haven't updated myself and I wonder if anyone is periodically hopping into my neck of the woods only to growl with discontent at the lack of my own updates.
I can dream.
Of course, the main reason nobody is blogging is that there isn't anything to blog about. We signed Omar. Old news. Barry won the MVP. Old and obvious news. What else is there to talk about in the off-season?
We are starving for news. Something. Anything that will get us to March. Oh sure, we were mildly interested in the happenings of the AFL, but aside from a decent (not fantastic, just decent) showing by Aardsma, there wasn't much of interest to chat about.
It must be hard for those who actually PLAY the game. They need their time off, they want to get away. But we fans- we few, we happy few- want the latest every moment of every day. Even during the season, I sometimes feel that it's not enough.
"What? We lost today? Are we playing again tonight? What!!! I have to wait until tomorrow? And it's gonna be a night game tomorrow? That's more than 24 hours without Giants' Baseball!"
And don't even talk to me about the All-Star break.
Why are we so addicted to this game? To the team, the players, the stats, the results? What drives this inner fire?
Me? I like being a part of something greater than me. I married into a family of die-hard Red Sox fans. So I spent this last post-season living vicariously through them. From the lows to the ultimate high. When the Sox won it, my father-in-law and brothers-in-law were a part of a euphoria that can't be described in words. And I want to be a part of that.
but if it's all about winning, why don't I just become a Yankees' fan and be done with it? Don't know.
But it probably has something to do with going to games at Candlestick with my Dad at the age of 11 or 12. Watching Milt May crouch behind the plate. Living through the Randy Kutcher month. Getting Dan Gladden's autograph in Arizona when you could still walk up morning of and get a good ticket in Scottsdale.
We all have those moments. I was there in '82 when Joe Morgan hit the homerun. I really was. Just as I was there in 1997 when Florida whooped our butts and the sell-out crowd left the stadium dejected, but for some reason chanting "Druckenmiller! Druckenmiller!" I got married on October 7th, 200, a date made easier to remember because that was when Estes made his bone-headed baserunning play against the Mets.
The Giants are a part of my life. And I never want to be without them. And now, in the off-season, I am starving for my fix.
How about you?
So I'm Leap-frogging around the Giants BlogSphere annoyed that nobody's updated today. Then, of course, I realize that I haven't updated myself and I wonder if anyone is periodically hopping into my neck of the woods only to growl with discontent at the lack of my own updates.
I can dream.
Of course, the main reason nobody is blogging is that there isn't anything to blog about. We signed Omar. Old news. Barry won the MVP. Old and obvious news. What else is there to talk about in the off-season?
We are starving for news. Something. Anything that will get us to March. Oh sure, we were mildly interested in the happenings of the AFL, but aside from a decent (not fantastic, just decent) showing by Aardsma, there wasn't much of interest to chat about.
It must be hard for those who actually PLAY the game. They need their time off, they want to get away. But we fans- we few, we happy few- want the latest every moment of every day. Even during the season, I sometimes feel that it's not enough.
"What? We lost today? Are we playing again tonight? What!!! I have to wait until tomorrow? And it's gonna be a night game tomorrow? That's more than 24 hours without Giants' Baseball!"
And don't even talk to me about the All-Star break.
Why are we so addicted to this game? To the team, the players, the stats, the results? What drives this inner fire?
Me? I like being a part of something greater than me. I married into a family of die-hard Red Sox fans. So I spent this last post-season living vicariously through them. From the lows to the ultimate high. When the Sox won it, my father-in-law and brothers-in-law were a part of a euphoria that can't be described in words. And I want to be a part of that.
but if it's all about winning, why don't I just become a Yankees' fan and be done with it? Don't know.
But it probably has something to do with going to games at Candlestick with my Dad at the age of 11 or 12. Watching Milt May crouch behind the plate. Living through the Randy Kutcher month. Getting Dan Gladden's autograph in Arizona when you could still walk up morning of and get a good ticket in Scottsdale.
We all have those moments. I was there in '82 when Joe Morgan hit the homerun. I really was. Just as I was there in 1997 when Florida whooped our butts and the sell-out crowd left the stadium dejected, but for some reason chanting "Druckenmiller! Druckenmiller!" I got married on October 7th, 200, a date made easier to remember because that was when Estes made his bone-headed baserunning play against the Mets.
The Giants are a part of my life. And I never want to be without them. And now, in the off-season, I am starving for my fix.
How about you?
Friday, November 19, 2004
Ch-ch-ch-Changes and a Thought
First, the more I look around at other blogs, the more I don't like what mine looks like. It just strikes me as "Blogging for Beginners" which is fine but I've been online for closing in on 8 years and know enough HTML to make the site a bit more to my tastes.
Hope this don't ruffle nobody's feathers. Either of you.
A new (to me) Giants blog On The Waterfront posts that he's worried about our starting rotation. Hmmm. Let's discuss, shall we?
Giant's current probably 2005 Starting Rotation:
Schmidt
Tomko
Williams
Lowry
Rueter
(Foppert waiting patiently for someone- read "Kirk Rueter"- to stumble)
I like this group. Especially once Rueter is a multi-million dollar long man out of the bullpen.
I see no reason to spend our hard-earned free agent money on the one position we seem to have covered. Honestly, we need a bat, we need a bullpen. FOCUS PEOPLE!
The best of all possible worlds would be to trade Rueter, put Foppert in the rotation, and keep Valdez and Cain in AAA waiting patiently for their turn. But then, anyone know a gullible GM who wants to toss money down a drain and take Rueter off our hands? Jim Bowden?
For better or worse, we have our Shortstop (In the air). For better or worse, we've given up our 1st round pick (worse) once again. For better or worse, I'm betting Sabean waits until players are / are not offered arbitration before getting his next piece (better). Unless, of course, it's Hermanson, who will force us to give a pick to ourselves, which I'm OK with.
After that. The onus is on Sabean. Get us the outfielder we want, jettison some players we don't want, shore up the bullpen. Or face the wrath of the Lunatic Fringe once again.
Tall order.
First, the more I look around at other blogs, the more I don't like what mine looks like. It just strikes me as "Blogging for Beginners" which is fine but I've been online for closing in on 8 years and know enough HTML to make the site a bit more to my tastes.
Hope this don't ruffle nobody's feathers. Either of you.
A new (to me) Giants blog On The Waterfront posts that he's worried about our starting rotation. Hmmm. Let's discuss, shall we?
Giant's current probably 2005 Starting Rotation:
Schmidt
Tomko
Williams
Lowry
Rueter
(Foppert waiting patiently for someone- read "Kirk Rueter"- to stumble)
I like this group. Especially once Rueter is a multi-million dollar long man out of the bullpen.
I see no reason to spend our hard-earned free agent money on the one position we seem to have covered. Honestly, we need a bat, we need a bullpen. FOCUS PEOPLE!
The best of all possible worlds would be to trade Rueter, put Foppert in the rotation, and keep Valdez and Cain in AAA waiting patiently for their turn. But then, anyone know a gullible GM who wants to toss money down a drain and take Rueter off our hands? Jim Bowden?
For better or worse, we have our Shortstop (In the air). For better or worse, we've given up our 1st round pick (worse) once again. For better or worse, I'm betting Sabean waits until players are / are not offered arbitration before getting his next piece (better). Unless, of course, it's Hermanson, who will force us to give a pick to ourselves, which I'm OK with.
After that. The onus is on Sabean. Get us the outfielder we want, jettison some players we don't want, shore up the bullpen. Or face the wrath of the Lunatic Fringe once again.
Tall order.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Could we GET any older?
Numerous reports say the Giants are seriously looking to nab Steve Finley to play CF.
He's 40.
I know I just praised the possible acquisition of a 38 year-old, but now that our SS is 38, I'm starting to think age doesn't equal beauty here.
I'm 33, and the idea that the Giants may come close to a starting 8 who are all older than me baffles me to no end. Alfonzo is younger than me. Durham by about 2 months. Whoever our catcher is will probably be younger than me. That's it. Snow. Vizquel. Bonds. Grissom. Tucker. All older than me. Add Finley. Older. I thought the idea was to get guys in the prime years, between 26-29? We have NONE of those outside of catcher.
Really, I don't get it. We all made those jokes about the Arizona geezers, but we're knock-knock-knocking on their door. Maybe they can lend us their canes and walkers and we, too, can lose 111 games. Wouldn't that be fun!
Here's what I say. If you get Finley for one year, say $4 million. Fine. But that'll never happen. He's gonna get 3 years for $20 million. So here we go paying out gobs of money in 2006 and 2007 to stiffs, just when we get out from under the Alfonzo and Durham contracts.
Sometimes I think Sabean's a genius, sometimes I want to wring his neck.
What do you think? Are we too old? Can a team be too old? Will we ever get younger?
come to think of it, isn't Julio Franco available? Sounds like he'd fit right in over here.
Numerous reports say the Giants are seriously looking to nab Steve Finley to play CF.
He's 40.
I know I just praised the possible acquisition of a 38 year-old, but now that our SS is 38, I'm starting to think age doesn't equal beauty here.
I'm 33, and the idea that the Giants may come close to a starting 8 who are all older than me baffles me to no end. Alfonzo is younger than me. Durham by about 2 months. Whoever our catcher is will probably be younger than me. That's it. Snow. Vizquel. Bonds. Grissom. Tucker. All older than me. Add Finley. Older. I thought the idea was to get guys in the prime years, between 26-29? We have NONE of those outside of catcher.
Really, I don't get it. We all made those jokes about the Arizona geezers, but we're knock-knock-knocking on their door. Maybe they can lend us their canes and walkers and we, too, can lose 111 games. Wouldn't that be fun!
Here's what I say. If you get Finley for one year, say $4 million. Fine. But that'll never happen. He's gonna get 3 years for $20 million. So here we go paying out gobs of money in 2006 and 2007 to stiffs, just when we get out from under the Alfonzo and Durham contracts.
Sometimes I think Sabean's a genius, sometimes I want to wring his neck.
What do you think? Are we too old? Can a team be too old? Will we ever get younger?
come to think of it, isn't Julio Franco available? Sounds like he'd fit right in over here.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
What Do You Do With A Problem Like Pierzynski
That headline, of course, needs to be sung to the tune of the Maria song from Sound of Music, just so you know.
Marty Cortinas of Across the Seams (a great Giants blog that you probably already know about, got to have an intimate 1 on 250 chat with Sabean and Magowan. (Do they invite random bloggers? Can I sign up for the next one?) They say a lot of things that you're better off reading first-hand.
A couple of items of note. It sure as heck sounds like D.P. Pierzynski is headed for the greener pastures of the untendered. While this may mean the Yorvit era has officially begun, it may also herald the search for another catcher.
Meanwhile, Sabean laments that they needs to find a position for Feliz to get regular playing time.
Dude! Solve two birds with one stone! Can Pedro catch?
Also, it sounds like Sabean accepts blame for, basically, making a bad trade when he tossed Nathan. Nice to hear the man take responsibility for his actions. Not that it makes it an y easier to watch Nathan become an all-star closer while our bullpen costs us a Post-Season spot, but one hopes he learns from his mistakes.
Of course, he did just sign a 37 (almost 38) year-old shortstop...
That headline, of course, needs to be sung to the tune of the Maria song from Sound of Music, just so you know.
Marty Cortinas of Across the Seams (a great Giants blog that you probably already know about, got to have an intimate 1 on 250 chat with Sabean and Magowan. (Do they invite random bloggers? Can I sign up for the next one?) They say a lot of things that you're better off reading first-hand.
A couple of items of note. It sure as heck sounds like D.P. Pierzynski is headed for the greener pastures of the untendered. While this may mean the Yorvit era has officially begun, it may also herald the search for another catcher.
Meanwhile, Sabean laments that they needs to find a position for Feliz to get regular playing time.
Dude! Solve two birds with one stone! Can Pedro catch?
Also, it sounds like Sabean accepts blame for, basically, making a bad trade when he tossed Nathan. Nice to hear the man take responsibility for his actions. Not that it makes it an y easier to watch Nathan become an all-star closer while our bullpen costs us a Post-Season spot, but one hopes he learns from his mistakes.
Of course, he did just sign a 37 (almost 38) year-old shortstop...
Monday, November 15, 2004
Omar of the Hill People
Well we've landed a Shortstop. He's 37. We signed him for 3 years.
Huh.
New Sabean goal: get an entire lineup of 35+ year-olds.
I mean hey, Bonds is a stud at 40, so obviously, the older a player, the better he is, right?
Isolated, this may not be the disaster it at first appears. The terms of Omar's deal.
2005 2.5 mil
2006 4 mil
2007 4 mil
2008 1 mil deferred
2009 .75 mil deferred
So OK, we're paying 2.5 million this year for a defensive whiz who has a knack of getting on base from time to time. (Career OBP of around.340)
That's not bad.
The big question is ging to be: is he just gonna get old? If the answer is no, then this is a fine deal. Sure, we're all suffering from sticker shock, but would you rather be the Cubs, who inked Neifi for an other tour of duty? (Even as a back-up)
At least we know, now, that Sabean was being totally honest when he said he wanted to improve on our defense. This does just that. It also ensures Code-E Ransom will not see the light of Pac Bell any time soon.
So now there's every indication that we're gonna resign Hermanson to be our closer. That can't be THAT expensive, not like a Percival or Benitez would be.
So maybe, just maybe, we have some money to spend for that outfielder we're hoping for. Or maybe we pull a Yankee and spend some money to get some reliable bullpen help outside of Hermanson (Kline?).
Basically, if this is the sum total of our off-season moves, we're sunk. If it's the beginning of the movement, this might be a decent off-season after all.
We can dream, right?
Well we've landed a Shortstop. He's 37. We signed him for 3 years.
Huh.
New Sabean goal: get an entire lineup of 35+ year-olds.
I mean hey, Bonds is a stud at 40, so obviously, the older a player, the better he is, right?
Isolated, this may not be the disaster it at first appears. The terms of Omar's deal.
2005 2.5 mil
2006 4 mil
2007 4 mil
2008 1 mil deferred
2009 .75 mil deferred
So OK, we're paying 2.5 million this year for a defensive whiz who has a knack of getting on base from time to time. (Career OBP of around.340)
That's not bad.
The big question is ging to be: is he just gonna get old? If the answer is no, then this is a fine deal. Sure, we're all suffering from sticker shock, but would you rather be the Cubs, who inked Neifi for an other tour of duty? (Even as a back-up)
At least we know, now, that Sabean was being totally honest when he said he wanted to improve on our defense. This does just that. It also ensures Code-E Ransom will not see the light of Pac Bell any time soon.
So now there's every indication that we're gonna resign Hermanson to be our closer. That can't be THAT expensive, not like a Percival or Benitez would be.
So maybe, just maybe, we have some money to spend for that outfielder we're hoping for. Or maybe we pull a Yankee and spend some money to get some reliable bullpen help outside of Hermanson (Kline?).
Basically, if this is the sum total of our off-season moves, we're sunk. If it's the beginning of the movement, this might be a decent off-season after all.
We can dream, right?
Thursday, November 11, 2004
More Moises
I've gotten some feedback on my less-than-subtle on-my-knees begging for Moises Alou to join Daddy and smack the ball around Pac Bell.
My first reaction is one of surprise. I honestly had no idea anyone ever read this thing. I should start spell-checking it.
But my second was to look at the over-arching comments and see if they're right, I'm right, or we're all right, so let's just get along.
The main knock against Mr. Moises that came out was the idea that he makes a lot of outs. I'm not so sure this is as true, at least on paper, as it may seem. In 2004, he had a .361 OBP, slightly below his career average of .367. However, it's been 4 years and 2 teams since he's matched his career average. Still, his lowest OBP in the last decade was .337., and that was three years ago in his first tour of Cubbie duty. Looking closer at that year, it looks to be an aberration in his career. Here are his OPS totals for the last 11 years:
.823, .989, .801, .796, .866, .981, .1.039, .950, .756, .819, .918
His .756 stands out as his lowest by over 50 points in the last seven years. Also, he's IMPROVED for three straight years.
Meanwhile, even were Alou to match his worst season in the past 11 years and manage a .337 OBP, that's better than the 2004 OBP posted by:
Grissom
Feliz
A.J.
Deivi Cruz
Neifi (duh over 300 at bats for a .276 OBP!)
Yorvit
And if he does what he did last year? A below career-average .361? Add these names to the list:
Alfonzo
Tucker
In fact, of the 2004 Giants to get 100 at bats, only four beat him. Bonds, of course. Snow. Mohr. And Durham (but only barely, at .364)
So while a number of Cubs fans are saying how Alou makes so many outs. All I can say is.. sounds like a perfect fit!
I've gotten some feedback on my less-than-subtle on-my-knees begging for Moises Alou to join Daddy and smack the ball around Pac Bell.
My first reaction is one of surprise. I honestly had no idea anyone ever read this thing. I should start spell-checking it.
But my second was to look at the over-arching comments and see if they're right, I'm right, or we're all right, so let's just get along.
The main knock against Mr. Moises that came out was the idea that he makes a lot of outs. I'm not so sure this is as true, at least on paper, as it may seem. In 2004, he had a .361 OBP, slightly below his career average of .367. However, it's been 4 years and 2 teams since he's matched his career average. Still, his lowest OBP in the last decade was .337., and that was three years ago in his first tour of Cubbie duty. Looking closer at that year, it looks to be an aberration in his career. Here are his OPS totals for the last 11 years:
.823, .989, .801, .796, .866, .981, .1.039, .950, .756, .819, .918
His .756 stands out as his lowest by over 50 points in the last seven years. Also, he's IMPROVED for three straight years.
Meanwhile, even were Alou to match his worst season in the past 11 years and manage a .337 OBP, that's better than the 2004 OBP posted by:
Grissom
Feliz
A.J.
Deivi Cruz
Neifi (duh over 300 at bats for a .276 OBP!)
Yorvit
And if he does what he did last year? A below career-average .361? Add these names to the list:
Alfonzo
Tucker
In fact, of the 2004 Giants to get 100 at bats, only four beat him. Bonds, of course. Snow. Mohr. And Durham (but only barely, at .364)
So while a number of Cubs fans are saying how Alou makes so many outs. All I can say is.. sounds like a perfect fit!
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Oh Please, oh please, oh please...
According to MLB.com, Moises Alou wants to be a Giant.
Make no mistake about this, he WANTS to come here. If he were offered identical contracts from every team, he'd pick SF.
Do we want him?
Well he's old. 38. So he fits right in. An outfield of Bonds, Grissom, and Alou may well be one of the oldest outfields ever.
HOWEVER
Last year he hit .291 and smacked 39 HRs for an OPS of .919. .919!!! If he can even come close to his career average of .880, how much of a lift is that over The Tuckernator?
I know what you're saying. We don't need offence. We need pitching.
Well actually, we need a Bullpen. Our rotation is fine. I'm perfectly happy with Schmidt/Tomko/Williams/Lowry/Rueter(Foppert). That's a good group. But come on, do we want to overpay for Percival? How much would Benitez cost?
But the offence... Add Alou. Here's your line-up.
Durham
Snow
Grissom
Bonds
Alou
Grisson
Cruz
Random Catcher (Yorvit, A.J., whatever)
Suddenly, we can score some serious runs. Suddenly, we have that 2nd real threat we've lacked since El Truck Washer left town.
This is not a pipe dream... HE WANTS TO COME HERE!
Who's with me?
According to MLB.com, Moises Alou wants to be a Giant.
Make no mistake about this, he WANTS to come here. If he were offered identical contracts from every team, he'd pick SF.
Do we want him?
Well he's old. 38. So he fits right in. An outfield of Bonds, Grissom, and Alou may well be one of the oldest outfields ever.
HOWEVER
Last year he hit .291 and smacked 39 HRs for an OPS of .919. .919!!! If he can even come close to his career average of .880, how much of a lift is that over The Tuckernator?
I know what you're saying. We don't need offence. We need pitching.
Well actually, we need a Bullpen. Our rotation is fine. I'm perfectly happy with Schmidt/Tomko/Williams/Lowry/Rueter(Foppert). That's a good group. But come on, do we want to overpay for Percival? How much would Benitez cost?
But the offence... Add Alou. Here's your line-up.
Durham
Snow
Grissom
Bonds
Alou
Grisson
Cruz
Random Catcher (Yorvit, A.J., whatever)
Suddenly, we can score some serious runs. Suddenly, we have that 2nd real threat we've lacked since El Truck Washer left town.
This is not a pipe dream... HE WANTS TO COME HERE!
Who's with me?
Monday, October 11, 2004
The End of the Season
I haven't written in quite a while, and I'm sure both of you are furious with me.
No excuse, got caught up in the possible end-0f-the-season miracle. You know, the one we blew away in the span of 8 batters on a fateful Saturday in Los Angeles?
Truth? I was at the game.
I'm still recovering.
My father-in-law (Red Sox fan) was in town so the two of us headed out last minute, got pretty bad seats way up the 1B line, and watched history unfold.
Soon as we sit down, he tells me that, based on a lifetime of seat-jumping at Fenway, we'll be able to move up to better seats by the 4th or 5th. It is a surprising testimony to Dodger fans that we never moved as much as one row closer. There were no seats to be had.
Sweetest moment? Bottom the 8th. 2 on, 2 out. Beltre up. The entire place chanting "MVP! MVP!" Beltre grounds out. I stand up and chant "MVP! MVP!" I still can't believe I did something like that, but enough people appreciated the irony of it, that I wasn't hated.
Luckily for Giants fans everywhere, baseball is an 8-inning game. Can you imagine if we had to try to go out there and get another 3 outs? We wouldn't be where we are now, headed back to Atlanta for game 5, with Lowry going to the mound to continue his rookie miracle season...
Humor me. I live in denial.
91 wins sounds like a lot. And it is. Unless it takes 92 to make the playoffs. Then you go through the 71 losses and pick a handful that we plum blew. Turns out there are lots of culprits, aside from the heartbreaker in BlueLand.
Whenever the Giants blow an April or May game that they should have won, it irks me to know end to hear players, managers, anyone talk about how "It's OK, it's only peril. The game doesn't mean as much..."
Dudes!! It's a loss! One less "Oops, did we lose that game?" in April would have given us 92 wins and then who knows. How about getting swept at home by Pittsburgh? How about 4 straight 1-run losses at home to LA? How about games where we blew 5-run leads against Colorado? Boston? Anyone?
Uhg.
So now I root for Boston. Partly because I have to, by the laws of marriage. But also partly so there will be one less team that has waited as long as we have for a championship. Kids, it's been 50 years. If the Red Sox win, then it's down to us and the Cubs and maybe a couple others I'm not thinking of at the moment. (White Sox?)
Eventually, even the Cubs will win, and then it'll just be the Giants. Suffering for 50+ years. With some of the best players ever to suit up. (Mays. McCovey. Bonds. Marichal.) And no championships. That's my dream.
On the other hand, 2005 might just be our year.
You think?
I haven't written in quite a while, and I'm sure both of you are furious with me.
No excuse, got caught up in the possible end-0f-the-season miracle. You know, the one we blew away in the span of 8 batters on a fateful Saturday in Los Angeles?
Truth? I was at the game.
I'm still recovering.
My father-in-law (Red Sox fan) was in town so the two of us headed out last minute, got pretty bad seats way up the 1B line, and watched history unfold.
Soon as we sit down, he tells me that, based on a lifetime of seat-jumping at Fenway, we'll be able to move up to better seats by the 4th or 5th. It is a surprising testimony to Dodger fans that we never moved as much as one row closer. There were no seats to be had.
Sweetest moment? Bottom the 8th. 2 on, 2 out. Beltre up. The entire place chanting "MVP! MVP!" Beltre grounds out. I stand up and chant "MVP! MVP!" I still can't believe I did something like that, but enough people appreciated the irony of it, that I wasn't hated.
Luckily for Giants fans everywhere, baseball is an 8-inning game. Can you imagine if we had to try to go out there and get another 3 outs? We wouldn't be where we are now, headed back to Atlanta for game 5, with Lowry going to the mound to continue his rookie miracle season...
Humor me. I live in denial.
91 wins sounds like a lot. And it is. Unless it takes 92 to make the playoffs. Then you go through the 71 losses and pick a handful that we plum blew. Turns out there are lots of culprits, aside from the heartbreaker in BlueLand.
Whenever the Giants blow an April or May game that they should have won, it irks me to know end to hear players, managers, anyone talk about how "It's OK, it's only peril. The game doesn't mean as much..."
Dudes!! It's a loss! One less "Oops, did we lose that game?" in April would have given us 92 wins and then who knows. How about getting swept at home by Pittsburgh? How about 4 straight 1-run losses at home to LA? How about games where we blew 5-run leads against Colorado? Boston? Anyone?
Uhg.
So now I root for Boston. Partly because I have to, by the laws of marriage. But also partly so there will be one less team that has waited as long as we have for a championship. Kids, it's been 50 years. If the Red Sox win, then it's down to us and the Cubs and maybe a couple others I'm not thinking of at the moment. (White Sox?)
Eventually, even the Cubs will win, and then it'll just be the Giants. Suffering for 50+ years. With some of the best players ever to suit up. (Mays. McCovey. Bonds. Marichal.) And no championships. That's my dream.
On the other hand, 2005 might just be our year.
You think?
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
String Him Up
Another Off-Monday means the Giants are quiet as they get ready for a must-sweep series against the Brewers.
Doesn't mean baseball was quiet.
Across the pond from Pac Bell, a very ugly incident took place. Anyone here bothering to read this knows what I'm talking about. And my personal take is pretty much what most are saying. Frank Francisco needs to be dealt with harshly. VERY harshly. If he pitches again in 2004, it's a travesty. He probably shouldn't pitch in 2005 either.
Look, you're a professional ballplayer. Sports is an emotional world. People love their teams, some of them get drunk (less than you'd think, but it only takes one...). They're gonna say some horrible things. But I don't care if the fans are saying your three year-old daughter is having sex with their dog, your job is to ignore them. They are drunk. They are louts. You make a lot more money than they ever will.
Francisco couldn't handle it. He threw a chair into the stands.
He should go to jail.
It's that simple. The chair flew into the stands, apparently hit it's intended target on the head, then bounced and hit an unintended female target in the face, breaking her nose.
Francisco should go to jail.
Not just suspended, which ought to be obvious, but jailed. Behind bars. And sued. Trust me, he will be sued. But we need to keep our anger in check. The woman with the broken nose will sue. She should. But she should only sue Francisco. Not the Oakland As. Not the Texas Rangers. Not MLB. Francisco. Not as deep a pocket, but he threw the chair, so he should pay the price.
This is where we hold our breath and look to see if the fine line of decency is crossed and what starts out as an ugly incident turns into a frivolous lawsuit by an ambulance chaser. Francisco threw a chair at her and broke her nose. He should pay her, I don't know, maybe a few hundred thousand dollars. A year's salary. My fear is her lawyer will want her to become a millionaire over this, and that crosses the line.
We'll see.
Another Off-Monday means the Giants are quiet as they get ready for a must-sweep series against the Brewers.
Doesn't mean baseball was quiet.
Across the pond from Pac Bell, a very ugly incident took place. Anyone here bothering to read this knows what I'm talking about. And my personal take is pretty much what most are saying. Frank Francisco needs to be dealt with harshly. VERY harshly. If he pitches again in 2004, it's a travesty. He probably shouldn't pitch in 2005 either.
Look, you're a professional ballplayer. Sports is an emotional world. People love their teams, some of them get drunk (less than you'd think, but it only takes one...). They're gonna say some horrible things. But I don't care if the fans are saying your three year-old daughter is having sex with their dog, your job is to ignore them. They are drunk. They are louts. You make a lot more money than they ever will.
Francisco couldn't handle it. He threw a chair into the stands.
He should go to jail.
It's that simple. The chair flew into the stands, apparently hit it's intended target on the head, then bounced and hit an unintended female target in the face, breaking her nose.
Francisco should go to jail.
Not just suspended, which ought to be obvious, but jailed. Behind bars. And sued. Trust me, he will be sued. But we need to keep our anger in check. The woman with the broken nose will sue. She should. But she should only sue Francisco. Not the Oakland As. Not the Texas Rangers. Not MLB. Francisco. Not as deep a pocket, but he threw the chair, so he should pay the price.
This is where we hold our breath and look to see if the fine line of decency is crossed and what starts out as an ugly incident turns into a frivolous lawsuit by an ambulance chaser. Francisco threw a chair at her and broke her nose. He should pay her, I don't know, maybe a few hundred thousand dollars. A year's salary. My fear is her lawyer will want her to become a millionaire over this, and that crosses the line.
We'll see.
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Argh! (and other 4-letter words)
Jason Schmidt can just give back the Cy Young award he won about a month ago. Is there ANYONE who thinks he's fully healthy after his groin pull? He's been shelled 3 straight times!
The only reason the Giants are even alive for a playoff spot is that they have beaten up on weaker competition from time to time, though not, of course, on the Rockies.
2004 is over. It just is. It's over for the Giants, it's probably over for the Cubs. The wild card looks to be Houston or Florida, two teams who were left for dead a few weeks ago, but pretty much expected to be in it this year. They are living proof that it's not how you get out of the gate, but how you stay aloft for the long haul. Getting hot at the right time will do wonders.
Meanwhile, what to do with the Giants? I'm going to pretend I'm Brian Sabean and that I can cut whomever I want for 2005. Should be fun.
Outfield:
Bonds, Mohr, Tucker, + 2. One of those two should be a young, bold, PROSPECT. Liek Linden, or speedster Ellison. Grissom? Go. Go far away. Leave us be. Ledee? Are you kidding me?
Infiled:
Snow, Durham, Alfonzo, Cruz. TRADE PEDRO FELIZ NOW! While people see the power and ignore everything else. Yes, he somehow backed into a 9th inning walk last night and was not the reason we lost. But in my world, to be on my team, you have to have an OBP of AT LEAST .300! You've got your starting 4. You need backups. DON'T PAY A LOT OF MONEY FOR THEM! Dallimore, Ransom, and others will do just fine in these rolls, and cost a lot less than a "proven veteran."
Catcher:
Trade A.J. Pick up a servicable back-up Catcher. Yorvit can start. A.J. may be worth something from someone who wants the eternal promise of a .300 hitter. Admit that trading Nathan away was a HUGE mistake.
Notice I'm not being overly down on the offence. Nor all that realistic. Why? Because the offence isn't the problem.
Rotation:
Schmidt- but let him heal.
Lowry- but let him be the #3 guy.
Tomko- but let him be the #4 guy.
Bring up Cain or another young gun and let him be the #5.
Gee... that leaves the #2 slot. And... Rueter? Nope. This is where Sabean needs to work the market. Get us the #2 guy we need. Pick him up, he's out there, available. Go get him. Please. Pretty please. With a cherry on top.
Bullpen:
Brower
Hermanson
..
..
I have no idea.
OK. I guess pitching is what's going to decide Sabean's off-season. It's no secret we need quality pitching. It's no secret it's out there. So keep an eye on what Sabean does to our pitching. Don't fret too much when we fail to sign Garciaparra or Delgado or J.D. Drew. But scour the newslines looking for the pitching.
This offence can win it all in 2005. This pitching staff can't.
Jason Schmidt can just give back the Cy Young award he won about a month ago. Is there ANYONE who thinks he's fully healthy after his groin pull? He's been shelled 3 straight times!
The only reason the Giants are even alive for a playoff spot is that they have beaten up on weaker competition from time to time, though not, of course, on the Rockies.
2004 is over. It just is. It's over for the Giants, it's probably over for the Cubs. The wild card looks to be Houston or Florida, two teams who were left for dead a few weeks ago, but pretty much expected to be in it this year. They are living proof that it's not how you get out of the gate, but how you stay aloft for the long haul. Getting hot at the right time will do wonders.
Meanwhile, what to do with the Giants? I'm going to pretend I'm Brian Sabean and that I can cut whomever I want for 2005. Should be fun.
Outfield:
Bonds, Mohr, Tucker, + 2. One of those two should be a young, bold, PROSPECT. Liek Linden, or speedster Ellison. Grissom? Go. Go far away. Leave us be. Ledee? Are you kidding me?
Infiled:
Snow, Durham, Alfonzo, Cruz. TRADE PEDRO FELIZ NOW! While people see the power and ignore everything else. Yes, he somehow backed into a 9th inning walk last night and was not the reason we lost. But in my world, to be on my team, you have to have an OBP of AT LEAST .300! You've got your starting 4. You need backups. DON'T PAY A LOT OF MONEY FOR THEM! Dallimore, Ransom, and others will do just fine in these rolls, and cost a lot less than a "proven veteran."
Catcher:
Trade A.J. Pick up a servicable back-up Catcher. Yorvit can start. A.J. may be worth something from someone who wants the eternal promise of a .300 hitter. Admit that trading Nathan away was a HUGE mistake.
Notice I'm not being overly down on the offence. Nor all that realistic. Why? Because the offence isn't the problem.
Rotation:
Schmidt- but let him heal.
Lowry- but let him be the #3 guy.
Tomko- but let him be the #4 guy.
Bring up Cain or another young gun and let him be the #5.
Gee... that leaves the #2 slot. And... Rueter? Nope. This is where Sabean needs to work the market. Get us the #2 guy we need. Pick him up, he's out there, available. Go get him. Please. Pretty please. With a cherry on top.
Bullpen:
Brower
Hermanson
..
..
I have no idea.
OK. I guess pitching is what's going to decide Sabean's off-season. It's no secret we need quality pitching. It's no secret it's out there. So keep an eye on what Sabean does to our pitching. Don't fret too much when we fail to sign Garciaparra or Delgado or J.D. Drew. But scour the newslines looking for the pitching.
This offence can win it all in 2005. This pitching staff can't.
Sunday, September 05, 2004
It's only the D-Backs
On one hand, I want to be excited about a 3-game sweep. ANY 3-game sweep. I want to explain away Lowry's bad outing to strep throat and a 100 degree fever and revel in Tomko's resurgence. On the other hand... IT'S ONY THE DIAMONDBACKS. This is the WORST team in the majors.
Still, we beat Randy Johnson, no easy task. Sure he's 12-13 now, but his ERA is better than any Giant's starter.( Including Schmidt, who's over 3 now) and he's FREAKIN' RANDY JOHNSON! We scored 4 off Randy. Not bad, kids. Not bad at all.
And now we go to Colorado. Will we continue this mini-uprising? Only 3 1/2 behind LA, can we make it up? Will Chicago choke on a series of double-headers? How do they reschedule an enitre series? How do these double-headers work? Do they play one team in the morning, then the Marlins fly in from Pittsburgh and play an evening game, then go back to Pitt. for game 2?
So many questions. That's the point of the 2004 Giants. All questions, no answers. The season is over when they lose to Colorado, then back alive after sweeping from the worst team in the majors? I don't think so.
This is a flawed team trying to make it on flash and sizzle.
Still, there's only 3 actual teams in the NL this year, ayet 4 need to go to the playoffs.
Why not us?
On one hand, I want to be excited about a 3-game sweep. ANY 3-game sweep. I want to explain away Lowry's bad outing to strep throat and a 100 degree fever and revel in Tomko's resurgence. On the other hand... IT'S ONY THE DIAMONDBACKS. This is the WORST team in the majors.
Still, we beat Randy Johnson, no easy task. Sure he's 12-13 now, but his ERA is better than any Giant's starter.( Including Schmidt, who's over 3 now) and he's FREAKIN' RANDY JOHNSON! We scored 4 off Randy. Not bad, kids. Not bad at all.
And now we go to Colorado. Will we continue this mini-uprising? Only 3 1/2 behind LA, can we make it up? Will Chicago choke on a series of double-headers? How do they reschedule an enitre series? How do these double-headers work? Do they play one team in the morning, then the Marlins fly in from Pittsburgh and play an evening game, then go back to Pitt. for game 2?
So many questions. That's the point of the 2004 Giants. All questions, no answers. The season is over when they lose to Colorado, then back alive after sweeping from the worst team in the majors? I don't think so.
This is a flawed team trying to make it on flash and sizzle.
Still, there's only 3 actual teams in the NL this year, ayet 4 need to go to the playoffs.
Why not us?
Friday, September 03, 2004
The Day The Season Died
Let me take you back.
Tuesday, August 17th. That was the day the Giants' season ended. We won. But in all reality, we lost, big time.
Jason Schmidt leads Montreal 4-2 after 8 innings. He comes out to pitch the 9th, throws three warm-up tosses, and leaves. Hermanson blows the save, but scavanges the win.
We haven't been the same team since.
You think Jason's fully healthy? He's been shelled twice in a row since coming back from his minor groin pull. I'm no doctor, but I'm a guy and I don't think there's anything remotely close to a MINOR groin pull.
That's like saying we currently have a MINOR budget deficit. Without The Schimdterator, we're a decent offense behind a AAA rotation. Oh sure, we're only 1 1/2 behind the Cubs for the Wild Card, but if I'm Chicago, I'm more worried about Florida and Houston than SF and SD. Time to pack it in? Of course not. Miracles happen. We've won 10 in a row this season, we can do it again. One never knows. But in al reality, we need to look ahead to 2005 and MAKE A REAL PUSH FOR A TITLE.
The offence, much maligned, is actually in decent shape. Install Mohr full time, let Grissom go. That's an upgrade. Would we like a bopper? Sure thing. But more than that.. we need a HUGE starting pitcher. Steal Pedro from Boston. Or something. There are some Starters on the market this winter. We NEED to get one. And I don't mean make a last second curtesy bid to Greg Maddox only to be spurned, I mean make the first move, signalling to other free agents that 2005 is the Giants' year.
We wiping Nen's $9 mil off the books this year. Don't have to pay F-Rod's $3.5 mi. Niefi won't be eating up $2 mil. The money is there. USE IT!
Or forever rest in peace.
Let me take you back.
Tuesday, August 17th. That was the day the Giants' season ended. We won. But in all reality, we lost, big time.
Jason Schmidt leads Montreal 4-2 after 8 innings. He comes out to pitch the 9th, throws three warm-up tosses, and leaves. Hermanson blows the save, but scavanges the win.
We haven't been the same team since.
You think Jason's fully healthy? He's been shelled twice in a row since coming back from his minor groin pull. I'm no doctor, but I'm a guy and I don't think there's anything remotely close to a MINOR groin pull.
That's like saying we currently have a MINOR budget deficit. Without The Schimdterator, we're a decent offense behind a AAA rotation. Oh sure, we're only 1 1/2 behind the Cubs for the Wild Card, but if I'm Chicago, I'm more worried about Florida and Houston than SF and SD. Time to pack it in? Of course not. Miracles happen. We've won 10 in a row this season, we can do it again. One never knows. But in al reality, we need to look ahead to 2005 and MAKE A REAL PUSH FOR A TITLE.
The offence, much maligned, is actually in decent shape. Install Mohr full time, let Grissom go. That's an upgrade. Would we like a bopper? Sure thing. But more than that.. we need a HUGE starting pitcher. Steal Pedro from Boston. Or something. There are some Starters on the market this winter. We NEED to get one. And I don't mean make a last second curtesy bid to Greg Maddox only to be spurned, I mean make the first move, signalling to other free agents that 2005 is the Giants' year.
We wiping Nen's $9 mil off the books this year. Don't have to pay F-Rod's $3.5 mi. Niefi won't be eating up $2 mil. The money is there. USE IT!
Or forever rest in peace.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Group Therapy II
"So....."
"Go ahead Kirk, let it out."
"So I lost again."
"Go on."
"Gave up 2 Earned runs in 5 innings. Then another Earned run in 1/3 of an inning."
"Ah."
"WHY DO THEY KEEP BRINGING ME OUT FOR THE 6TH???"
"Now, now Kirk. Let's be honest. You gave up 2 runs in the 5th. Nothing stellar about that."
"Don't change the subject on me! I can't pitch the 6th! I can't! God help me, I can't!"
"Kirk, I'm feeling hostility. Not everybody can pitch the 6th inning, you know. It's OK."
"Doc, let's face it. I'm a freak of nature. Coming into the season with one of the best records for a left-hander currently pitching. I've never been a good pitcher but I've always won! Now I'm not winning! What's wrong with me?"
"Well, you said it yourself. You're not a good pitcher. Let's work with that."
"Screw it. I don't care anymore. I'm making a ton of money. I'm just going to go out there and let the losses pile up. What are they gonna do? Put me in the bullpen?"
"Interesting idea..."
"So....."
"Go ahead Kirk, let it out."
"So I lost again."
"Go on."
"Gave up 2 Earned runs in 5 innings. Then another Earned run in 1/3 of an inning."
"Ah."
"WHY DO THEY KEEP BRINGING ME OUT FOR THE 6TH???"
"Now, now Kirk. Let's be honest. You gave up 2 runs in the 5th. Nothing stellar about that."
"Don't change the subject on me! I can't pitch the 6th! I can't! God help me, I can't!"
"Kirk, I'm feeling hostility. Not everybody can pitch the 6th inning, you know. It's OK."
"Doc, let's face it. I'm a freak of nature. Coming into the season with one of the best records for a left-hander currently pitching. I've never been a good pitcher but I've always won! Now I'm not winning! What's wrong with me?"
"Well, you said it yourself. You're not a good pitcher. Let's work with that."
"Screw it. I don't care anymore. I'm making a ton of money. I'm just going to go out there and let the losses pile up. What are they gonna do? Put me in the bullpen?"
"Interesting idea..."
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
The Marquis Grissom de Sade
In France in the 1700's, there was a man you may have heard of known as the Marquis de Sade. He was a deranged, sexual deviant who once famously declared "Either kill me or take me as I am, because I'll be damned if I ever change..." He was arrested numerous times in his life for various horrid acts of sacrilige and perversity (and some outstanding debt) and was thought of in his day as a truly dangerous and disturbed man.
Nowadays, people look back at Mr. Sade and, well, I don't exactly what most people think, butthey certianly don't have the honest view of who he was. Some find him an amusing and interesting figure from history, some see him as the father of the Goth movement (no idea why, but I swear I knew a guy who said that- something about Sadism... I'm sure The Cure were involved)
Point is, looking back on his behavior, he doesn't come out quite so bad. Oh sure, he masterbated with crusfixes, but did he ever bear a woman's breast during half-time? I think not.
The Giants have their own Marquis de Sade who will also look better in retrospec than he ought. Mr. Grissom just hit his 18th Home Run in a 9-5 drubbing of the Woeful Rockies. When the season is over, is it too much to assume he'll end with around a .270 average, 20+ HR, and 80+ RBI (he has 71 right now)? Does a 20-80 guy sound pretty useful to you? Yeah, me too.
Thing is, he's been nothing but a disaster for us. After a darned good April, he's been a drain on the offense. The guy has 30 walks (an improvement for him) to pick up an OBP of .317. .317. That hurts. Oh sure, It's not Neifi-level, or Feliz-level, but it hurts. And what hurts more?
How about 20 GIDP so far this year.
20!!!
And you're probably thinking "Only 20? Really? I was sure he'd be in triple digits by now."
And that's the key. Grissom has become Mr. Rally Killer. Even more than A.J. PeirceBrosnanKinseyWhatever. At least in terms of "Yes! Giants have 2 on and 1 out! Who's up? Grissom? Oh well, we'll score next inning." (A.J. has actually hit into 22 Double plays, but for some reason, you just feel that Grissom has done worse.)
How many times has Grissom made the last out, often a double play, with Bonds on deck? How many innings have been derailed by the one-time speedster thwacking a groundball to short? It's like there's a groove from the Batter's Box to the SS and he manages to slide the ball right in there every time.
Or, of course, he just strikes out. Can't forget that.
Yet at the end of the season, you watch. 20+ HR. 80+ RBI. What a great guy. Let's resign him to a Marvin Bernard-style contract.
Repeat after me.:
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
If there's anyone out there who knows voodoo, or magic, or majik, or Tarot, or heck, anyone with a powerfully prophetic Lite-Brite, chant for a new CF in 2005.
"Either kill me or take me as I am, because I'll be damned if I ever change..."
Works just as well for our Marquis, doesn't it?
Oh, and in other Giants news, Brett Tomko, pitching well for the 2nd straight time, injured himself AFTER a strikeout.
Of course he did. Can't have a half-way decent starting pitcher not named Schmidt, now can we?
Uhg
In France in the 1700's, there was a man you may have heard of known as the Marquis de Sade. He was a deranged, sexual deviant who once famously declared "Either kill me or take me as I am, because I'll be damned if I ever change..." He was arrested numerous times in his life for various horrid acts of sacrilige and perversity (and some outstanding debt) and was thought of in his day as a truly dangerous and disturbed man.
Nowadays, people look back at Mr. Sade and, well, I don't exactly what most people think, butthey certianly don't have the honest view of who he was. Some find him an amusing and interesting figure from history, some see him as the father of the Goth movement (no idea why, but I swear I knew a guy who said that- something about Sadism... I'm sure The Cure were involved)
Point is, looking back on his behavior, he doesn't come out quite so bad. Oh sure, he masterbated with crusfixes, but did he ever bear a woman's breast during half-time? I think not.
The Giants have their own Marquis de Sade who will also look better in retrospec than he ought. Mr. Grissom just hit his 18th Home Run in a 9-5 drubbing of the Woeful Rockies. When the season is over, is it too much to assume he'll end with around a .270 average, 20+ HR, and 80+ RBI (he has 71 right now)? Does a 20-80 guy sound pretty useful to you? Yeah, me too.
Thing is, he's been nothing but a disaster for us. After a darned good April, he's been a drain on the offense. The guy has 30 walks (an improvement for him) to pick up an OBP of .317. .317. That hurts. Oh sure, It's not Neifi-level, or Feliz-level, but it hurts. And what hurts more?
How about 20 GIDP so far this year.
20!!!
And you're probably thinking "Only 20? Really? I was sure he'd be in triple digits by now."
And that's the key. Grissom has become Mr. Rally Killer. Even more than A.J. PeirceBrosnanKinseyWhatever. At least in terms of "Yes! Giants have 2 on and 1 out! Who's up? Grissom? Oh well, we'll score next inning." (A.J. has actually hit into 22 Double plays, but for some reason, you just feel that Grissom has done worse.)
How many times has Grissom made the last out, often a double play, with Bonds on deck? How many innings have been derailed by the one-time speedster thwacking a groundball to short? It's like there's a groove from the Batter's Box to the SS and he manages to slide the ball right in there every time.
Or, of course, he just strikes out. Can't forget that.
Yet at the end of the season, you watch. 20+ HR. 80+ RBI. What a great guy. Let's resign him to a Marvin Bernard-style contract.
Repeat after me.:
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
If there's anyone out there who knows voodoo, or magic, or majik, or Tarot, or heck, anyone with a powerfully prophetic Lite-Brite, chant for a new CF in 2005.
"Either kill me or take me as I am, because I'll be damned if I ever change..."
Works just as well for our Marquis, doesn't it?
Oh, and in other Giants news, Brett Tomko, pitching well for the 2nd straight time, injured himself AFTER a strikeout.
Of course he did. Can't have a half-way decent starting pitcher not named Schmidt, now can we?
Uhg
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Noah's Arc
First, I just need to say.. Thank God we finally have a closer who will come in and shut the door on the opposition.
Grrrrrrrrrr
OK, Let's investigate one Noah Lowry, supposed Savior of the Franchise.
Here are two pitchers, which would you rather have in your rotation?
ERA K/9 BB/9 OPS Against
Pitcher A 2.84 8.53 2.27 .693
Pitcher B 5.74 7.43 4.05 .807
Well they both have decent K/9 rates, one pitcher does seem to be quite a bit better than the other. Of course, no surprise, both of these pitchers are Noah Lowry. Pitcher A is at Pac Bell, and Pitcher B is anywhere else in the Major League Baseball universe.
So is Noah really the Savior of the Franchise? Or is he one of those pitchers who somehow MATCHES UP WELL WITH PAC BELL?
I'd say his next start will be a good indicator, but it's against Arizona. At Pac Bell. So I'm gonna go out on a limb and predict Lowry to throw another shut-out.
They have platoons in the field all the time, how about platoons in the rotation? Now that we know Tomko hates pitching at Pac Bell, lets shift Lowry and Tomko back and forth in the rotation. If the 5th spot falls at home, Lowry pitches and Tomko is long man from the bull-pen for a few days before and after. If the 5th spot falls somewhere else, Tomko pitches, Lowry goes deep.
Just a suggestion.
First, I just need to say.. Thank God we finally have a closer who will come in and shut the door on the opposition.
Grrrrrrrrrr
OK, Let's investigate one Noah Lowry, supposed Savior of the Franchise.
Here are two pitchers, which would you rather have in your rotation?
ERA K/9 BB/9 OPS Against
Pitcher A 2.84 8.53 2.27 .693
Pitcher B 5.74 7.43 4.05 .807
Well they both have decent K/9 rates, one pitcher does seem to be quite a bit better than the other. Of course, no surprise, both of these pitchers are Noah Lowry. Pitcher A is at Pac Bell, and Pitcher B is anywhere else in the Major League Baseball universe.
So is Noah really the Savior of the Franchise? Or is he one of those pitchers who somehow MATCHES UP WELL WITH PAC BELL?
I'd say his next start will be a good indicator, but it's against Arizona. At Pac Bell. So I'm gonna go out on a limb and predict Lowry to throw another shut-out.
They have platoons in the field all the time, how about platoons in the rotation? Now that we know Tomko hates pitching at Pac Bell, lets shift Lowry and Tomko back and forth in the rotation. If the 5th spot falls at home, Lowry pitches and Tomko is long man from the bull-pen for a few days before and after. If the 5th spot falls somewhere else, Tomko pitches, Lowry goes deep.
Just a suggestion.
Monday, August 30, 2004
It's Raining Snow
Right now, after going 0-2 so far as the Giants fall behind 3-1 to the Braves, J.T. Snow is hitting .323. And it's not an empty .323, as an OBP of .424 and an SLG of .514 (!) will attest. That Snow has an OPS of .938 is one of those "check to make sure it's not raining locusts" end-of-the-world signs.
So this begs the question, should he be our 1B in 2005?
Which is actually a more interesting question than "WILL he be our 1B in 2005" because I'm betting he will. There's a $2 mil option which will be difficult to pass up for a 1B with a .938 OPS and Gold Glove. Problem is, we won't be getting .938 in 2005. We'll be getting @ .750. And While $2 mil for a .750 OPS at short or second might be worthwhile, not so at 1B. We can get REAL 1B who will hit .900 or more on a consistant basis and strike fear into the heart of pitchers everywhere. They'll cost more, but tell me throwing a healthy Mr. Delgado, or Mr. Sexton into the 5-hole behind The Barry doesn't improve things.
I mean come on people. Which is more believable? That at 32, J.T. figured it out and has raised his game to the level of the elite for all time? Or that posting a BA, OBP, and SLG all higher than career bests turns 2004 (in less than full-time -- he doesn't qualify for the batting title yet) makes him this year's Brady Anderson?
If only he was Brady Anderson of '96. 50 HRs would look mighty good right now.
The true horror is the idea that Sabean gets all excited, falls over himself, and signs Snow to another 4-year deal at $17 mil per or something.
That's a chilling Snow thought.
Right now, after going 0-2 so far as the Giants fall behind 3-1 to the Braves, J.T. Snow is hitting .323. And it's not an empty .323, as an OBP of .424 and an SLG of .514 (!) will attest. That Snow has an OPS of .938 is one of those "check to make sure it's not raining locusts" end-of-the-world signs.
So this begs the question, should he be our 1B in 2005?
Which is actually a more interesting question than "WILL he be our 1B in 2005" because I'm betting he will. There's a $2 mil option which will be difficult to pass up for a 1B with a .938 OPS and Gold Glove. Problem is, we won't be getting .938 in 2005. We'll be getting @ .750. And While $2 mil for a .750 OPS at short or second might be worthwhile, not so at 1B. We can get REAL 1B who will hit .900 or more on a consistant basis and strike fear into the heart of pitchers everywhere. They'll cost more, but tell me throwing a healthy Mr. Delgado, or Mr. Sexton into the 5-hole behind The Barry doesn't improve things.
I mean come on people. Which is more believable? That at 32, J.T. figured it out and has raised his game to the level of the elite for all time? Or that posting a BA, OBP, and SLG all higher than career bests turns 2004 (in less than full-time -- he doesn't qualify for the batting title yet) makes him this year's Brady Anderson?
If only he was Brady Anderson of '96. 50 HRs would look mighty good right now.
The true horror is the idea that Sabean gets all excited, falls over himself, and signs Snow to another 4-year deal at $17 mil per or something.
That's a chilling Snow thought.
Friday, August 27, 2004
Group Therapy
"Hi. My name is Kirk Rueter and I have a problem."
"Hi Kirk."
"I am a 5-inning pitcher. I want to fight it, I want to be a real starting pitcher, but I'm not."
"Tell us more."
"I have an ERA of 4.62 in inning 1-5. Nothing great, but it gets me a paycheck. Problem is, I have an ERA of 8.14 in innings 6 and beyond."
"Ouch."
"Yeah, tell me about it. Just today, I was going smooth, had a shut-out through 5. Then I came out in the 6th. Didn't retire a batter, gave up 4 runs."
"Man, I feel for ya."
"Maybe if my manager understood my limitations, I'd be able to get out after 5 and get a win. But unfortunately, my manager keeps bringing me out in the 6th and beyond. I don't know what to do."
"Have you tried faking injury after 5 innings?"
"No. Hadn't thought of that.. Interesting idea."
"That's what we're here for. Until then, let's practice our mantra. I WILL NOT PITCH THE 6TH INNIG OR BEYOND. BECAUSE IF I DO, MY TEAM WILL LOSE THE GAME."
"I WILL NOT PITCH THE 6TH INNIG OR BEYOND. BECAUSE IF I DO, MY TEAM WILL LOSE THE GAME"
"Very good Kirk. Can't wait to use you against St. Louis in the playoffs."
"Hi. My name is Kirk Rueter and I have a problem."
"Hi Kirk."
"I am a 5-inning pitcher. I want to fight it, I want to be a real starting pitcher, but I'm not."
"Tell us more."
"I have an ERA of 4.62 in inning 1-5. Nothing great, but it gets me a paycheck. Problem is, I have an ERA of 8.14 in innings 6 and beyond."
"Ouch."
"Yeah, tell me about it. Just today, I was going smooth, had a shut-out through 5. Then I came out in the 6th. Didn't retire a batter, gave up 4 runs."
"Man, I feel for ya."
"Maybe if my manager understood my limitations, I'd be able to get out after 5 and get a win. But unfortunately, my manager keeps bringing me out in the 6th and beyond. I don't know what to do."
"Have you tried faking injury after 5 innings?"
"No. Hadn't thought of that.. Interesting idea."
"That's what we're here for. Until then, let's practice our mantra. I WILL NOT PITCH THE 6TH INNIG OR BEYOND. BECAUSE IF I DO, MY TEAM WILL LOSE THE GAME."
"I WILL NOT PITCH THE 6TH INNIG OR BEYOND. BECAUSE IF I DO, MY TEAM WILL LOSE THE GAME"
"Very good Kirk. Can't wait to use you against St. Louis in the playoffs."
The Magical Mr. Tomko
After spending months not updating, I decided to use this blog for something I'll update a lot more frequently on: The San Francisco Giants.
For those not in the know (both of my imaginary readers) The Giants currently stand 71-58, 4 games behind the Dodgers in the NL West, 1 game behind the Cubbies for the NL Wild Card, and 1 game above the Padres in all things.
Last night, in Florida, Brett Tomko pitched his first major league shutout, dominating the Marlins 5-0. Seeing that happen (on the Internet, at least) reminded me that Tomko first came to my attention as part of a hot, young, Seattle rotation that was going to rule the world. Gil Meche. Freddie Garcia. Ryan Anderson. Brett Tomko. These were the young studs of the system. And Tomko was often mentioned by scouts as one of the best.
So what happened? How'd he go from up-and-coming Superstar to journeyman who has somehow managed to obtain a winning record for this season? I dunno. I know that when we signed Tomko, I thought to myself "Cool. He's gonna break out and have the season folks have been predicting." And he did. And started, like, 1-4 or 1-5. That's the season everyone has been predicting. Last night he reminded everyone why he was once thought of as a future star. But the rest of this season, he has reminded everyone of why he's a journeyman.
Eh. He's just keeping a rotation spot warm for Cain.
In Other News:
My film, the one I wrote and got produced, is available. You can rent it at Blockbuster. You can rent it at Hollywood Video. You can rent it from Netflix, or find it on Amazon. I get a piece of the backend, so go see it. Both of you. It's called The Eliminator. Starring Michael Rooker and Bas Rooten. Go have a few beers, pop it in and enjoy yourself. It's no work of art, but it's no Pluto Nash either.
No news on any of my other scripts. I'll keep you posted.
After spending months not updating, I decided to use this blog for something I'll update a lot more frequently on: The San Francisco Giants.
For those not in the know (both of my imaginary readers) The Giants currently stand 71-58, 4 games behind the Dodgers in the NL West, 1 game behind the Cubbies for the NL Wild Card, and 1 game above the Padres in all things.
Last night, in Florida, Brett Tomko pitched his first major league shutout, dominating the Marlins 5-0. Seeing that happen (on the Internet, at least) reminded me that Tomko first came to my attention as part of a hot, young, Seattle rotation that was going to rule the world. Gil Meche. Freddie Garcia. Ryan Anderson. Brett Tomko. These were the young studs of the system. And Tomko was often mentioned by scouts as one of the best.
So what happened? How'd he go from up-and-coming Superstar to journeyman who has somehow managed to obtain a winning record for this season? I dunno. I know that when we signed Tomko, I thought to myself "Cool. He's gonna break out and have the season folks have been predicting." And he did. And started, like, 1-4 or 1-5. That's the season everyone has been predicting. Last night he reminded everyone why he was once thought of as a future star. But the rest of this season, he has reminded everyone of why he's a journeyman.
Eh. He's just keeping a rotation spot warm for Cain.
In Other News:
My film, the one I wrote and got produced, is available. You can rent it at Blockbuster. You can rent it at Hollywood Video. You can rent it from Netflix, or find it on Amazon. I get a piece of the backend, so go see it. Both of you. It's called The Eliminator. Starring Michael Rooker and Bas Rooten. Go have a few beers, pop it in and enjoy yourself. It's no work of art, but it's no Pluto Nash either.
No news on any of my other scripts. I'll keep you posted.
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Incoherent April Ramblings
So I said I'd have a bunch of "unofficial" rules on how to write a B-Movie.
Then I didn't post for close to a month?
Coincidence? Or conspiracy?
Truth told, I don't feel like talking much these days to my audience of one. Especially when that one is actually just myself.
I'm working on a new story, one written for myself, and not for any producer, B=movie or A-movie or DD-movie or whatever.
But I gots to share this one lovely tidbit.
One of my projects in the pre-production phase is being so dramatically re-written (and not by me) that it's possible that they'll end up changing the title. changing the names of the characters, and giving us back control of the original script. In it's place, I could get a story credit and some money for a film which I will have absolutely nothing to do with.
Gotta love this industry.
So I said I'd have a bunch of "unofficial" rules on how to write a B-Movie.
Then I didn't post for close to a month?
Coincidence? Or conspiracy?
Truth told, I don't feel like talking much these days to my audience of one. Especially when that one is actually just myself.
I'm working on a new story, one written for myself, and not for any producer, B=movie or A-movie or DD-movie or whatever.
But I gots to share this one lovely tidbit.
One of my projects in the pre-production phase is being so dramatically re-written (and not by me) that it's possible that they'll end up changing the title. changing the names of the characters, and giving us back control of the original script. In it's place, I could get a story credit and some money for a film which I will have absolutely nothing to do with.
Gotta love this industry.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Da B-Movie Rules
Yes, I made the deadline, came up with a climactic ending that did what I wanted, finished the script. My producer called me after reading most of the script (why don't they ever wait to finish the whole thing before passing judgment?) to tell me that he loved it. LOVED IT. Granted, it's not a Herculean task tog et this particular producer to love something, but he HAS not loved things of mine in the past, so anything positive is welcome.
That out of the way it is time to switch gears.
I've promised my wife that I'm going to begin work on the one script of mine that she has ever really liked, a family-fantasy project currently titled Untitled Family Fantasy Book Project. Catchy, no? This should be an eye-opening experience for me, because I am most definitely NOT writing a B-Movie with this one. And I've been writing a lot of B-movies lately. A lot. That's the market I've been able to tap into. Got my first film produced (check out The Eliminator (not my title) on IMDB- order it from your local video store today!) and The Installation is another B-movie, as are other films I have in the pipes. B-Movies are bringing me money (very small amounts, but money, none the less). B-Movies are what I know.
And it's not so easy as you might think.
There are rules.
Fact: most B-movies make their money in International markets. They just do. Ever wonder why these things even exist? It's not like you walk into your local Lowes and see the latest C. Thomas Howell/Sean Young thriller (currently in post-production). But overseas? I was driving through the streets of Jakarta, Indonesia when I noticed a billboard for a brand new Sylvester Stallone film I'd never heard of. D-Tox. Did you see it? It was in all the theaters in Jakarta. But in the States? You're lucky if you can rent it at Blockbuster.
Why? Dunno. Don't care.
So without further ado, here are the official "Rules" of the B-Movie.
1) No Blood. You can kill and maim and plunder all you like, but nobody should ever bleed profusely. Sometimes this is specified as "Moving Blood" i.e. Slasher slices Victim's neck and blood splatters over the walls. Nu-uh. Try slasher slices victim's neck and then lets him drop down off-camera, dead. No blood. Why? Many of the International markets have their priorities straight, and realize that's exposing people to buckets of blood may be a dangerous thing to do. So they don't let you do it. Meanwhile, in America, we have no problem watching people disembowel each other in a frivolous romp. And then we wonder why there's so much more violence here than in other countries.
2) No swearing. Two reasons. First, the obvious. Some countries won't pay money for films that have foul language in them, because they can't sell them to family markets. But also, American cursing doesn't always translate very well overseas. Think about it. Austin Powers 2 had to doctor their title when they opened in the U.K. because "shagging" has a slightly different meaning over there than it does here.
3) Action, action, action. Have you gone more than 10 pages without someone getting beaten up? You're slacking. Lots and lots of countries are inhabited by people who, believe it or not, don't speak English. So they just don't really get witty banter. But they sure as heck get a guy being tossed through a window. That's International.
Those are the three biggest rules, but there are many other, "unofficial" rules. I'll bring those to your attention in my next post.
Word.
Yes, I made the deadline, came up with a climactic ending that did what I wanted, finished the script. My producer called me after reading most of the script (why don't they ever wait to finish the whole thing before passing judgment?) to tell me that he loved it. LOVED IT. Granted, it's not a Herculean task tog et this particular producer to love something, but he HAS not loved things of mine in the past, so anything positive is welcome.
That out of the way it is time to switch gears.
I've promised my wife that I'm going to begin work on the one script of mine that she has ever really liked, a family-fantasy project currently titled Untitled Family Fantasy Book Project. Catchy, no? This should be an eye-opening experience for me, because I am most definitely NOT writing a B-Movie with this one. And I've been writing a lot of B-movies lately. A lot. That's the market I've been able to tap into. Got my first film produced (check out The Eliminator (not my title) on IMDB- order it from your local video store today!) and The Installation is another B-movie, as are other films I have in the pipes. B-Movies are bringing me money (very small amounts, but money, none the less). B-Movies are what I know.
And it's not so easy as you might think.
There are rules.
Fact: most B-movies make their money in International markets. They just do. Ever wonder why these things even exist? It's not like you walk into your local Lowes and see the latest C. Thomas Howell/Sean Young thriller (currently in post-production). But overseas? I was driving through the streets of Jakarta, Indonesia when I noticed a billboard for a brand new Sylvester Stallone film I'd never heard of. D-Tox. Did you see it? It was in all the theaters in Jakarta. But in the States? You're lucky if you can rent it at Blockbuster.
Why? Dunno. Don't care.
So without further ado, here are the official "Rules" of the B-Movie.
1) No Blood. You can kill and maim and plunder all you like, but nobody should ever bleed profusely. Sometimes this is specified as "Moving Blood" i.e. Slasher slices Victim's neck and blood splatters over the walls. Nu-uh. Try slasher slices victim's neck and then lets him drop down off-camera, dead. No blood. Why? Many of the International markets have their priorities straight, and realize that's exposing people to buckets of blood may be a dangerous thing to do. So they don't let you do it. Meanwhile, in America, we have no problem watching people disembowel each other in a frivolous romp. And then we wonder why there's so much more violence here than in other countries.
2) No swearing. Two reasons. First, the obvious. Some countries won't pay money for films that have foul language in them, because they can't sell them to family markets. But also, American cursing doesn't always translate very well overseas. Think about it. Austin Powers 2 had to doctor their title when they opened in the U.K. because "shagging" has a slightly different meaning over there than it does here.
3) Action, action, action. Have you gone more than 10 pages without someone getting beaten up? You're slacking. Lots and lots of countries are inhabited by people who, believe it or not, don't speak English. So they just don't really get witty banter. But they sure as heck get a guy being tossed through a window. That's International.
Those are the three biggest rules, but there are many other, "unofficial" rules. I'll bring those to your attention in my next post.
Word.
Friday, March 26, 2004
Die Hard with a B-Movie
I am desperately trying to finish this Spawn of Satan Re-write on The Installation by Saturday. I've got 97 pages right now, and I'm more or less in the climax, but it's isn't all that exciting, and I'm worried that I've blew my momentum with a rousing false climax at around 92 or 93.
What I need to do is just finish the damn thing, then go back and fix it. The re-write of this re-write will be massive. And it will be done in one day. And cows will fly out of my butt. Have I mentioned that I dislike this project?
Usually, I have a really whiz-bang ending in my head before I even start, and it's just a matter of getting there. But this time, I dunno. I broke my own rules and wrote before thinking and now I've got this monstrosity on my hands.
Also, writing 7 or 8 pages a day, I lose track of the forest for the trees. Right now I've got 2 good guys left and 2 bad guys. Naturally, I need to have the good guys defeat the bad guys and toss us all a happy ending. But how? I've set up long ago that the real physical battle was going to be between the hero and the "Karl" character (to use Die Hard analogy). But the battle against "Karl" (he's the blonde baddie who Bruce Willis eventually dispatches by tying a chain around his neck and swinging him off the stairwell) was both A) to "ultimate" a struggle and B) to final for my own good. See, in Die Hard, Karl comes back one last time after we thought he was dead at the very end when everyone's hugging and cheering. He's the "surprise scare" and it works because even though we thought he was dead much earlier, he was really just hanging around, free to come back like a bad Supervillain. Problem with my Karl is, I blew him up. Pretty severely. Not sure how he's supposed to come back after that.
Then, of course, comes the question of how to kill my "Hans" (Alan Rickman). I don't have a nice zillion-story tower to drop him out of. Another fight? Boring. Boring, boring, boring. He's the big baddie, he needs a special demise.
And I'm all special-ed out.
And it's due tomorrow.
And I'm wasting time writing this rather than the script.
I am desperately trying to finish this Spawn of Satan Re-write on The Installation by Saturday. I've got 97 pages right now, and I'm more or less in the climax, but it's isn't all that exciting, and I'm worried that I've blew my momentum with a rousing false climax at around 92 or 93.
What I need to do is just finish the damn thing, then go back and fix it. The re-write of this re-write will be massive. And it will be done in one day. And cows will fly out of my butt. Have I mentioned that I dislike this project?
Usually, I have a really whiz-bang ending in my head before I even start, and it's just a matter of getting there. But this time, I dunno. I broke my own rules and wrote before thinking and now I've got this monstrosity on my hands.
Also, writing 7 or 8 pages a day, I lose track of the forest for the trees. Right now I've got 2 good guys left and 2 bad guys. Naturally, I need to have the good guys defeat the bad guys and toss us all a happy ending. But how? I've set up long ago that the real physical battle was going to be between the hero and the "Karl" character (to use Die Hard analogy). But the battle against "Karl" (he's the blonde baddie who Bruce Willis eventually dispatches by tying a chain around his neck and swinging him off the stairwell) was both A) to "ultimate" a struggle and B) to final for my own good. See, in Die Hard, Karl comes back one last time after we thought he was dead at the very end when everyone's hugging and cheering. He's the "surprise scare" and it works because even though we thought he was dead much earlier, he was really just hanging around, free to come back like a bad Supervillain. Problem with my Karl is, I blew him up. Pretty severely. Not sure how he's supposed to come back after that.
Then, of course, comes the question of how to kill my "Hans" (Alan Rickman). I don't have a nice zillion-story tower to drop him out of. Another fight? Boring. Boring, boring, boring. He's the big baddie, he needs a special demise.
And I'm all special-ed out.
And it's due tomorrow.
And I'm wasting time writing this rather than the script.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
In The Beginning...
Why does anyone start a blog? A place to vent to the unknown populace of the Internet? A chance to share their views with like-minded people across the globe? Ego?
Well, I'm all for a good ego-boost every now and then. But basically, as a writer, I have found that putting my thoughts down on paper helps me organize them. And then hopefully masses of people will read them and decide that I'm a brilliant savant who deserves truck-loads of money.
Or something like that.
The project du jour is a B-level action script called The Installation. A deal is pretty much in place to make it for @$250,000 if I ever finish the script. So I'm writing, trying to connect the dots and make everyone happy. One problem.
I hate this script.
I should never have pitched it. It's a disaster waiting to happen. What am I gonna make on it? $5,000? For all the Hell it's putting me through, the rewrites, the rules I have to follow, the roles I have to write to fit the stars who come attached to the money, it's almost not worth it.
But I have a deadline, and so I toil...
Why does anyone start a blog? A place to vent to the unknown populace of the Internet? A chance to share their views with like-minded people across the globe? Ego?
Well, I'm all for a good ego-boost every now and then. But basically, as a writer, I have found that putting my thoughts down on paper helps me organize them. And then hopefully masses of people will read them and decide that I'm a brilliant savant who deserves truck-loads of money.
Or something like that.
The project du jour is a B-level action script called The Installation. A deal is pretty much in place to make it for @$250,000 if I ever finish the script. So I'm writing, trying to connect the dots and make everyone happy. One problem.
I hate this script.
I should never have pitched it. It's a disaster waiting to happen. What am I gonna make on it? $5,000? For all the Hell it's putting me through, the rewrites, the rules I have to follow, the roles I have to write to fit the stars who come attached to the money, it's almost not worth it.
But I have a deadline, and so I toil...
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